My life as a Betty

     The same work bestie who asked me to kick box with her also invited me out with some other work besties to see the movie “Bridesmaids”. Being newly single I desperately needed some girl time and to be around people who loved having fun. We went to the theater and I wasn’t prepared for what we were about to watch. I thought I was going in to see an all out comedy with some girlfriends, but as it turned out, it was like holding a mirror up to my life. The movie strangely reflected my own reality.

There was one thing though that I walked out of the movie wanting. I wanted Kristen Wiig’s cop boyfriend. The type that will be there for you even at your most embarrassing and goofy moments, one who embraces the fact that you will go out of your way to embarrass yourself to get their attention because; well, you’re in love with them.

The only difference between Wiig’s character and myself is, she’s a baker and I’m an artist and amature writer. One of my favorite lines in the movie is where her new cop boyfriend says, “There’s just something about you that sticks.” I wanted to be on somebody’s brain. I wanted to be the girl of someone’s dreams. I was tired of being the Betty and wanted to be the Veronica; just once.

After watching the movie it kind of gave me an idea of what I wanted in a man, however the timing wasn’t quite right yet. One of my girlfriends and true blue best friends called and we had a conversation about the power of positivity and putting out “there” what you want. If you are constantly thinking of what you don’t want, in turn that type of person will come to you. If you start concentrating on what you do what in a person, then that type of person will inevitably come to you. It sounded weird but it was worth a shot.

She suggested to help in this process to keep a list and start listing the things I want in a man. The list was started before my first trip back to Ozark. This list I kept a secret from everyone except for the friend who I had the conversation with, and my parents. The list was going to turn into a blog but on the advice of both parents it was probably best not to post it.

After writing the list, my bestie in St. Louis and I went to Ozark for the first time in a year and since my divorce. The first night we stayed up chatting with my parents and playing a game of “Fact or Crap” which cracks us up every time. We stayed up til‘ about 2 in the morning; because my parents are party animals like that.

The next day was the day we were going to hang out and bum around town with friends. We wound up going to a flea market where I found old jelly jars from 1972 and 1973 featuring the main “Archie” characters. Buying all of the jars, I wanted to give them to everyone who made it out to the barbeque later as a gift and a thank you. Seeing they’ve been friends with me as long as all the Archie characters have been friends, it was appropriate.

Everyone showed up, one friend brought me a new set of guitar strings and in exchange I gave him a 4 pack of root beer which sent him into a sugar coma. Another friend brought her son who I hadn’t seen since he was in her tummy, it was a real treat to see her sweet little boy. Another friend tiredly made it out after her long shift as a nurse which was greatly appreciated. Then my friend who knew about “the list” came over. My dad instantly put her to work asking her to help grill up some of the meat (she’s a professional chef) and she grilled up some tofu for my vegetarian bestie. Shortly after her arrival, her twin brother came over. Everyone was sitting at the table and my parents were still preparing food when Dad told me it was time to put the corn on the grill, which was my job.

As the smoke circulated through the air, I nervously kept turning the corn over because I was afraid it would get burned. Eventually I had to step away from the heat and smoke and went up to the window just outside where the dining table was. Looking in trying to get my chef friend’s attention her brother was sitting just to her side in front of her. I started doing the hand gesture from “Meet the parents” where I point at my eyes and then point at her trying to tell her I was watching her, but her brother (and my friend) thought it was directed at him.

After many rounds of “I’m watching you…” he shot up out of his chair. Knowing he is extremely playful and strong I immediately got nervous and didn’t know what to do. Bare in mind, he is six feet and three inches tall, a Marine and could probably lift a car if prompted. I’d only had two kickboxing/boxing classes under my belt and was only armed with a pair of tongs. Not knowing what he was going to do I was at least mentally prepared in case he tried to pick me up; after all we’ve known each other 16 years, so I kind of knew what to expect.

Come to find out, he only came outside to briefly say hi privately and smoke his E-cigarette.  This is not what I expected and he didn’t do what I thought he might do. Instead we had a conversation about how he was trying to quit smoking and he offered to bring in the corn. He kept trying to help even though I wouldn’t let him. Basically I playfully told him, “When you cook it, you can bring it in.” Giving him the small plate of corn to take in, I brought in the huge wok full of corn ears…just in case there was any question of who grilled them.

We all sat, conversed, dined and my friends stayed until the wee hours of the morning. It was so much fun seeing everyone and I just remember looking over at my buddy in the living room as he talked to my dad; wondering what he was thinking. This was the usual for us. We met in high school because he was running late for class and sat next to me at the back. He often would act like he was talking about me to his best friend and then they would look over giggling which made me nervous and blush. However, this night in particular the look was a little different. Apparently I looked a little different too. The look was so obvious my friend from St. Louis noticed but didn’t think anything of it…at first.

As people were beginning to leave, I ran into the other room where the Archie jelly jars were. Since I had already given a couple away to other friends I still had SOME duplicates left. There were two jars in particular featuring Archie and Veronica sharing a milkshake with a comic sans script at the top reading, “Friends are for sharing”. If you looked into the jar, at the bottom there was an imprint of an Archie character. These two jars in particular featured “Hot Dog” and “Betty”. My buddy was getting ready to leave and I panicked. I could choose another jar but something compelled me to give him the jar with this design and I didn’t know why. Once I decided on this jar, which character on the bottom was I supposed to choose? Hot Dog or Betty? Panic, panic, panic…Betty. I’ve always in my heart been a Betty. I wanted him to know I was a Betty. Why at that particular moment I wanted him to know I didn’t know, it just seemed important at the time. I wanted him to know I was a good person, and fun, and interesting…which is strange because he already knows those things; otherwise we wouldn’t have been best friends and he wouldn’t have been at the barbeque in the first place; right? Why was I feeling this way? Why should he absolutely know I was a fun loving Betty Cooper? As he left he gave me a big hug and went on his way.

After everyone had left, my chef best friend stayed along with my St. Louis bestie.  She stayed because she wanted to help me finally cross something off my bucket list…which is what true blue best friends do.  She brought over Graham crackers, Hershey’s chocolate bars and marshmallows.  We were going to have S’mores.  Suddenly making S’mores turned into a very fun game of “Chubby Bunny”.  We’ll just put it this way, we all tried it while my parents broke out the camera.  It involved my friends trying not to look like a freshly squeezed tube of toothpaste and me doing a horrible Marlon Brando impersonation.  It was an all out gross-a-thon at it’s best and the hardest I’d laughed since seeing the movie “Bridesmaids”.

The next day was another day with the parents and the St. Louis bestie running around to find more treasure at flea markets. I found myself distracted texting to my buddy and his sister. We were roaming around the flea market and it seemed as if every three steps I was getting a text from one of them. (I think its a twin thing.) Next thing I knew I was having to catch up to my mom and bestie several times due to texting. Suddenly feelings of sadness came knowing the weekend was coming to a close. I knew I would have to say goodbye to my family, best friends and leave knowing I was coming back to the hectic lifestyle I have up here in St. Louis.

Pretty soon the bestie and I had to leave and hit the road. Halfway through the trip, I took the wrong exit heading toward an unknown destination, probably because I couldn’t quit thinking of home. I couldn’t quit thinking of how wonderful the visit went with friends, no matter how brief it was with some of them and suddenly a face kept running through my mind. It took everything in me to keep from crying and thinking about this face didn’t help. My friend and I started talking about the visit and she started talking about my buddy. She said she liked my buddy, thought he had “good vibes” and…“sweet eyes.” These were the words she used to describe the look she and I had noticed the night of the barbeque. It was those eyes and that look running through my head that made me sad to say good bye to Ozark that night.

That night I realized some things but was too afraid to admit it.

What experience in your life has led you to something you were afraid to admit? What made you afraid to admit what you needed/wanted to admit?

Next up, “The month of July” or “Half the Ozark Mafia comes to St. Louis”